if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
