Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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