He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
