I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
