According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
