Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
