tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My feet surprised me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
