dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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