We won't sleep together?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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