Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
