I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
