Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
