come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
