I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
