For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
