We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
