I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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