He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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