I'm really into asian looking animals
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
