If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
