Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
