I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
