the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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