Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
