So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
