Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
