I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
