i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
