god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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