So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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