Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
