Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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