I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
