I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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