Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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