i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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