dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
