I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
