this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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