we're blogging at a bar
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
