Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
