Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
