I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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