like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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