It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
false alarm. still invincible.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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