The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
