apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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