I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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