Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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