This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
