i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
babies were throwing up all over the place
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
