If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She bit a glass in half.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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