She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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