my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What a dumb baby whore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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