I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
